The iPod is a worthless piece of fuck. I just saved you half a grand.
The iPod sucks. This is normally where I'd give some kind of whitty introduction to my article, laced with words such as "fuck", but the iPOS is such a shitty, worthless fucking waste of circuit-board material that I'm totally speechless by how popular it has become. So let's just fucking get to it before I decide to go out and fucking break someone's window:
The iPod has always had this problem, that is, that it's rechargable batteries are virtually unremovable. Apparently the crackheads at MacIntosh are too concerned with design than making a product that isn't a piece of shit, so in the interest of keeping everything "seamless", they didn't include a removable battery access panel in their design. So if the battery stops holding its charge, which will invariably happen right after your limited warranty expires, you have to pay Apple to install a new one. Or, you can attempt to replace it yourself, at the risk of damaging your iPod.
Moreover, good news for those who enjoy long walks or like to listen to music during plane flights: you're fucked in the ass once the battery dies. You can't change the battery out for a fully charged one, and charge both when you get home, because you can't change the battery period. Until you get to a charger, you're stuck talking to some annoying dipshit who won't shut up sitting in the seat next to you.
And they keep getting smaller and smaller, but the shit they cram into it just gets more and more extensive. So the dumbasses say, "OH KEWL DEY GOT SUM SMART PPL IN DERE DAT DEY KEN PUT DAT SHIT IN2 SUCH A SML SP8CE LOL". Actually, no. The shit doesn't get smaller, they just allow less and less space; everything is closer together. So if you bump your iPod, because of the clsoe proximity, the slightest dent could seriously damage it. Nice going, you dumbfucks at Apple. Make them piss their pants in amazement AND make them buy more of your bullshit when the bullshit they've got breaks.
The new iPod has video. That's not an option, it has video. If you get an iPod, it's going to have video. What a stupid fucking idea anyway. I'm going to laugh so hard at the dumbasses walking around holding their new iPods three inches from their face, trying to watch the incredibly tiny screen. Nice going, Apple, keep boasting about your iPod's tiny size, because the dumbasses are never going to realize that a small iPod means the screen is going to be the size of a lobotamy patient's frontal lobe. What better way to tell the world, "I'm a fucking asshole with the intelligence of a chipmunk! Here, take my iPod, I'm practically giving it to you!"?
If you don't want to detach yourself from the rest of society by rendering yourself completely oblivious with the assistance of a video iPod (not that most people need help being oblivious anyway), you can always hook it up to a TV screen and prepare for a blast from the past, when your picture is made up of pixels no less than three inches square. I have to admit, adding video to the iPod/iTunes is a brilliant way of catching missed episodes... unless, of course, you get a DVR, which is less expensive, records at a much higher resolution, and you don't have to pay 2 bucks for each fucking episode.
Speaking of iTunes, holy fucking shit. IPods will not work with any other media player other than iTunes. Apple does this so that people will slowly abandon Microsoft. But at the same time, they piss off EVERYONE. Great fucking job. ITunes, just like every other dog shit Mac program, is fucking invasive on PCs. It deposits tons of shit you didn't ask for and is impossible to uninstall. So, basically you have shit on your PC that you don't want there. In my book, that classifies as a virus. (yes, no shit you can get the music other ways, but you have to convert and export it with iTunes, so get bent)
And just so you know, it's not like the iPod is the only hard drive media player out there. There are plenty of others out there that also support multiple programs. Also, I don't give a flying fuck how great you think this iTunes shit is, because what's even worse then the iTunes bullshit is the fact that you have no choice but to use it. I hate iTunes and a great deal of others hate it as well.
Let's hear it from some satisfied customers:
And another:
324,145 dumbasses are going to buy their own iPod to test my theory, not realizing that I am always right.
The iPod has always had this problem, that is, that it's rechargable batteries are virtually unremovable. Apparently the crackheads at MacIntosh are too concerned with design than making a product that isn't a piece of shit, so in the interest of keeping everything "seamless", they didn't include a removable battery access panel in their design. So if the battery stops holding its charge, which will invariably happen right after your limited warranty expires, you have to pay Apple to install a new one. Or, you can attempt to replace it yourself, at the risk of damaging your iPod.
Moreover, good news for those who enjoy long walks or like to listen to music during plane flights: you're fucked in the ass once the battery dies. You can't change the battery out for a fully charged one, and charge both when you get home, because you can't change the battery period. Until you get to a charger, you're stuck talking to some annoying dipshit who won't shut up sitting in the seat next to you.
And they keep getting smaller and smaller, but the shit they cram into it just gets more and more extensive. So the dumbasses say, "OH KEWL DEY GOT SUM SMART PPL IN DERE DAT DEY KEN PUT DAT SHIT IN2 SUCH A SML SP8CE LOL". Actually, no. The shit doesn't get smaller, they just allow less and less space; everything is closer together. So if you bump your iPod, because of the clsoe proximity, the slightest dent could seriously damage it. Nice going, you dumbfucks at Apple. Make them piss their pants in amazement AND make them buy more of your bullshit when the bullshit they've got breaks.
The new iPod has video. That's not an option, it has video. If you get an iPod, it's going to have video. What a stupid fucking idea anyway. I'm going to laugh so hard at the dumbasses walking around holding their new iPods three inches from their face, trying to watch the incredibly tiny screen. Nice going, Apple, keep boasting about your iPod's tiny size, because the dumbasses are never going to realize that a small iPod means the screen is going to be the size of a lobotamy patient's frontal lobe. What better way to tell the world, "I'm a fucking asshole with the intelligence of a chipmunk! Here, take my iPod, I'm practically giving it to you!"?
If you don't want to detach yourself from the rest of society by rendering yourself completely oblivious with the assistance of a video iPod (not that most people need help being oblivious anyway), you can always hook it up to a TV screen and prepare for a blast from the past, when your picture is made up of pixels no less than three inches square. I have to admit, adding video to the iPod/iTunes is a brilliant way of catching missed episodes... unless, of course, you get a DVR, which is less expensive, records at a much higher resolution, and you don't have to pay 2 bucks for each fucking episode.
Speaking of iTunes, holy fucking shit. IPods will not work with any other media player other than iTunes. Apple does this so that people will slowly abandon Microsoft. But at the same time, they piss off EVERYONE. Great fucking job. ITunes, just like every other dog shit Mac program, is fucking invasive on PCs. It deposits tons of shit you didn't ask for and is impossible to uninstall. So, basically you have shit on your PC that you don't want there. In my book, that classifies as a virus. (yes, no shit you can get the music other ways, but you have to convert and export it with iTunes, so get bent)
And just so you know, it's not like the iPod is the only hard drive media player out there. There are plenty of others out there that also support multiple programs. Also, I don't give a flying fuck how great you think this iTunes shit is, because what's even worse then the iTunes bullshit is the fact that you have no choice but to use it. I hate iTunes and a great deal of others hate it as well.
Let's hear it from some satisfied customers:
AHH THE FUCKING IPOD FUCKING IS A FUCKING PIECE OF WORTHLESS FUCK AHHHHHHHHH
And another:
Two more generations and you'll be able to fit an iPod in your rectum... comfortably.
324,145 dumbasses are going to buy their own iPod to test my theory, not realizing that I am always right.
posted by General Septem at 10/25/2005 05:04:00 AM
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