August 26, 2005


TURN YOUR FUCKING CAPS LOCK OFF. Fuck. Why is it that 90% of everyone I meet on the Internet types like a dipshit? It's not like all of them can't spell (although most of them probably can't). I've seen people who can write C++, Perl, PHP, Java, and Python who still look like they type with their permanently flaccid cocks. The people that actually can spell, don't, because they think it's cool to "tlk liek dis". It isn't. Grow up already. Here are some examples, starting from benign to fucking annoying:

2. Using 100% impeccable spelling and grammar, to a fault. Seriously, when sending an IM, it is not necessary to capitalize "LOL" because it is an acronym, nor is it necessary to capitalize the first letter of single-word posts, or partial sentences, and end them with periods. The funny part is that the only people I've come across who do this are on drugs. And while we're on the subject of "lol", using it in a forum post or basically any context other than IM is wrong.

3. lol tiping liek dis. usly deez ppl cnt tip mor dan 1 key evry 30 sec so dey shrtn evry wrd bi rmovng ltrz. The worst one is when they shorten "come" by typing "cum". I'll call people on this one, and find out that they seriously never knew what the word meant.


5. Impossible to read fonts. Especially on AIM, there are dumbasses that will use, for example, light green text on a white background, and expect people to be able to read it. And that's another thing. What's with the white backgrounds? Staring at a white background is like gazing into a light bulb, for christ's sake. Don't web designers know how a PC monitor creates images? By using light, the brightest being white. Don't believe me? Wake up at five in the morning and try to check your e-mail.

6. TaLkInG lIkE tHiS iS fUcKiNg AnNoYiNg AnD iMpOsSiBlE tO rEaD. SeRiOuSlY, cUt ThAt ShIt OuT.

For some reason, this is especially rampant among the display names of English chicks.

7. Do Not Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word. You're Only Supposed To Capitalize The First Letter Of A Sentence And Proper Nouns. Cut It Out.

7. The ultimate fucking annoying method of typing: emoticon text. I was talking to a girl the other day, and I saw for the first time, the horror of having shit replaced by gigantic animated images. Every other line she wrote, it took 30 seconds to download all the shit that she wrote with it. And the lines that didn't take 30 seconds to load were because they were just emoticons that she'd already used. Here are some examples:

Every time she said "ok", it was replaced by a huge scrolling image of the letters "OK", in black, glittery text. And just to add that last little touch of insanity, there was a playboy bunny in the image. Fucking playboy bunny icon. Oh, that's so sexy, because my ideal girl is someone who has, or at least claims to have, had sex with every guy in buckinghamshire, or wherever the fuck this girl lives. To make matters worse, it wasn't just when she said the word, OK, when this happened. Any time the combination "ok" appeared, it was replaced by this atrocity. For example, "broke" turned into "brOK(insert image of playboy bunny)e".

The combination "no" was replaced by an image of a yellow fellow shaking his head. For instance, "did u *shakes head* about dat", and "eco*shakes head*mics".

"lol" was replaced by a big purple "LOL", with glitter, topped off with another playboy bunny.

At least she gave up the phony suicide routine.

EDIT: I tried to find some of these images online, but after looking through several pages of glitter art I became violently ill. I immediately had to chop down a large tree with my penis.