March 11, 2009

Does pi = 3, or should you shut the hell up?

Atheism can be just as much a religion as any other religion can, except without a bible. Not all atheists, just the ones who get so caught up in how hateful, judgmental, pushy, and irrational religion is, they fail to notice that they're just as guilty of those things. It doesn't really matter if you're the object of their ire or not; everyone wishes they would die, including each other. But still, it's nice to know that hardcore atheists, like English majors, will always be there to protect everyone, and their religions, from minor errors. After all, were it not for them, who would have noticed the part in the bible where it claims that pi is equal to three? I am, of course, referring to 1 Kings 7:23:

The sea was then cast; it was made with a circular rim, and measured ten cubits across, five in height, and thirty in circumference.

The problem is here. If the sea was round and ten cubits in diameter, its circumference should be approximately 31.4 cubits. If it was 30 in circumference, the diameter should be about 9.55. Obviously, the prospect of significant figures or rounding numbers to the nearest ten is a prospect unheard of to those who slept during third-grade math.

Atheists, like all religious people (and English majors), love inputting their vast array of armchair knowledge whenever they see something that isn't exactly the way they like to see it. Failing that, they'll use any opportunity they can find to show off how incredibly intelligent they are. This vast knowledge they use is usually:

1. From Wikipedia and/or MoveOn.org.
2. Wrong.

Still, I heartily thank the atheists for this knowledge. I am, therefore, advocating a new and improved translation of the Bible. I'm calling it the "New and Revised Standard Edition Version 13.75 for angsty and rebellious emo faggots who have nothing better to do than blindly take shots at things that they're too stupid to understand and too anal-retentive to actually notice the point of the message."

Despite its hippopotomonstrosesquippedalian name, the new edition, called NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM for short, will be vastly improved. Besides removing the bit about chastity, circumcision, and that pesky "judge not, lest ye be judged" that nobody really wants to follow anyway, I've corrected the pi = 3 error:

The sea (comprised of 95% water (33.333333333% hydrogen and 66.666666666% oxygen), and 5% random impurities (such as rock dust)) was then cast; it was made with a circular rim (made of exactly thirty-seven curved sandstone tablets, two defects per square cubit maximum), and measured exactly ten cubits (15 ft., 4.572 m) across, five cubits (7 ft. 6 in., 2.286 m) in height, and thirty-one and four tenths cubits (47 ft. 1.2 in., 14.36m) in circumference.


I swear to God I'm going to hear it from those bastards about how "that's not what the original Hebrew said!".

NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM will be by far more accurate, regardless of the fact that nobody reading this story will really give a shit exactly how big the sea (or whatever it is) is. NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM will also ignore the fact that the cubit, span, and handbreadth were never precise units of measurement to begin with, as is typical of societies that don't possess the technologies to measure the exact distance traveled by a beam of light in exactly 1/299,792,458 second.

Even if this divine blunder really does expose the fraud that is religion, can the fallacy really be extended past the book of Kings? The Bible isn't a book, it's a collection of books. So unless you believe God wrote the whole Bible (which atheists don't), you can't act as if one mistake in one book discredits everything. Grow up.

So what exactly is pi? If you can give me an answer to that, you're wrong. It's not 22/7; pi is an irrational number - a non-terminating, non-repeating decimal, and cannot be expressed as a fraction. Don't believe me? Open Windows calculator and do 22/7, then click on "pi" and watch the numbers change. The truth is, the only way to accurately represent pi is its symbol. It's all approximation beyond that. 3.14 is good enough for you? Well 3 was good enough for what it was needed for in 1 Kings 7:23.

In six thousand years, people are going to say you have no credibility because you thought pi was 3.14. Just kidding, nobody's going to remember you because nobody gives a shit.

3 Comments:

Blogger yee-haw said...

Does any one give a shit, I know they don't for damn sure.
Will i be remembered..?
I hope the hell not.

March 24, 2009 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Water is not 1/3 hydrogen and 2/3 oxygen, it is 2/3 hydrogen and 1/3 oxygen. The H2O means two hydrogen atoms for every one oxygen atoms. Rounding off pi to 3 in the passages context really doesn't matter. But the difference between H2O and HO2 is the difference between drinking water and drinking acid.

May 27, 2010 4:54 AM  
Blogger General Septem said...

Case in point.

May 27, 2010 6:28 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home