October 25, 2005

The iPod is a worthless piece of fuck. I just saved you half a grand.

The iPod sucks. This is normally where I'd give some kind of whitty introduction to my article, laced with words such as "fuck", but the iPOS is such a shitty, worthless fucking waste of circuit-board material that I'm totally speechless by how popular it has become. So let's just fucking get to it before I decide to go out and fucking break someone's window:

The iPod has always had this problem, that is, that it's rechargable batteries are virtually unremovable. Apparently the crackheads at MacIntosh are too concerned with design than making a product that isn't a piece of shit, so in the interest of keeping everything "seamless", they didn't include a removable battery access panel in their design. So if the battery stops holding its charge, which will invariably happen right after your limited warranty expires, you have to pay Apple to install a new one. Or, you can attempt to replace it yourself, at the risk of damaging your iPod.

Moreover, good news for those who enjoy long walks or like to listen to music during plane flights: you're fucked in the ass once the battery dies. You can't change the battery out for a fully charged one, and charge both when you get home, because you can't change the battery period. Until you get to a charger, you're stuck talking to some annoying dipshit who won't shut up sitting in the seat next to you.

And they keep getting smaller and smaller, but the shit they cram into it just gets more and more extensive. So the dumbasses say, "OH KEWL DEY GOT SUM SMART PPL IN DERE DAT DEY KEN PUT DAT SHIT IN2 SUCH A SML SP8CE LOL". Actually, no. The shit doesn't get smaller, they just allow less and less space; everything is closer together. So if you bump your iPod, because of the clsoe proximity, the slightest dent could seriously damage it. Nice going, you dumbfucks at Apple. Make them piss their pants in amazement AND make them buy more of your bullshit when the bullshit they've got breaks.

The new iPod has video. That's not an option, it has video. If you get an iPod, it's going to have video. What a stupid fucking idea anyway. I'm going to laugh so hard at the dumbasses walking around holding their new iPods three inches from their face, trying to watch the incredibly tiny screen. Nice going, Apple, keep boasting about your iPod's tiny size, because the dumbasses are never going to realize that a small iPod means the screen is going to be the size of a lobotamy patient's frontal lobe. What better way to tell the world, "I'm a fucking asshole with the intelligence of a chipmunk! Here, take my iPod, I'm practically giving it to you!"?

If you don't want to detach yourself from the rest of society by rendering yourself completely oblivious with the assistance of a video iPod (not that most people need help being oblivious anyway), you can always hook it up to a TV screen and prepare for a blast from the past, when your picture is made up of pixels no less than three inches square. I have to admit, adding video to the iPod/iTunes is a brilliant way of catching missed episodes... unless, of course, you get a DVR, which is less expensive, records at a much higher resolution, and you don't have to pay 2 bucks for each fucking episode.

Speaking of iTunes, holy fucking shit. IPods will not work with any other media player other than iTunes. Apple does this so that people will slowly abandon Microsoft. But at the same time, they piss off EVERYONE. Great fucking job. ITunes, just like every other dog shit Mac program, is fucking invasive on PCs. It deposits tons of shit you didn't ask for and is impossible to uninstall. So, basically you have shit on your PC that you don't want there. In my book, that classifies as a virus. (yes, no shit you can get the music other ways, but you have to convert and export it with iTunes, so get bent)

And just so you know, it's not like the iPod is the only hard drive media player out there. There are plenty of others out there that also support multiple programs. Also, I don't give a flying fuck how great you think this iTunes shit is, because what's even worse then the iTunes bullshit is the fact that you have no choice but to use it. I hate iTunes and a great deal of others hate it as well.

Let's hear it from some satisfied customers:

AHH THE FUCKING IPOD FUCKING IS A FUCKING PIECE OF WORTHLESS FUCK AHHHHHHHHH


And another:

Two more generations and you'll be able to fit an iPod in your rectum... comfortably.


324,145 dumbasses are going to buy their own iPod to test my theory, not realizing that I am always right.

12 Comments:

Blogger redhead83402 said...

ROFLLLLL ~ well, I don't own an iPOD, so not sure my comment counts, but uhhh, once my eyes quit stinging from all the f-words, I just had to laugh. Did you know that MAC sells their worthless computers to schools for extra cheap as a nice way to introduce all the little kiddies to MAC instead of Microsoft? The only problem is, all those little kiddies have microsoft at home, in the workplace,at the libraries, etc, etc, etc. and since the MAC system SUCKS,it just makes the kiddies cuss the MAC puters at the schools. So once again, MAC is out there trying ooohh sooo harrddd to make a dent into microsoft without doing anything more than making themselves look foolish! iPOD's main popularity is because of advertising, and quite frankly, anyone who is drawn into that crappy and obviously over the top advertising deserves to lose their money and their puter to MAC.
MAC should just get over it, Gates stole the technology fare and square, and his ongoing innovations have far exceeded MAC's. Bummer for MAC, that's capitalism at it's finest!

October 25, 2005 5:20 AM  
Anonymous John Hammac Jr said...

@redhead83402: Actually, to my knowledge, Apple doesn't give that much of a discount off of the regular price of their products to educational markets.
Have you even honestly TRIED to use a computer with OSX? OSX is FAR simpler to learn than Windows is, and has a very clean and refined layout. Really, the only visual difference is the toolbar (instead of being at the top of every window, it is always at the top of the screen, and is dedicated to whatever window you are currently working in), and the 3 window command icons (close, minimize, maximize) which are at the opposite top corner. If you can successfully navigate a Windows computer, you can successfully navigate a Mac.
As for Apple breaking into Microsoft's market; it is NEVER going to happen, and Apple DOESN'T WANT TO. It isn't their business model, even. They have no wish to make super-cheap computers, as PC manufacturers regularly cut corners in the manufacturing process to sell their inferior machines at low prices (if one uses a PC, one is much better off having it hand built - even though I am a Mac user, I still have a PC for some tasks that are not as easily done on Mac as they are a PC). This is why a PC will usually be worthless after about 4 years, and a Mac on the other hand, will still work perfectly even 8 years later.
I can understand someone not liking Apple because they make expensive computers that tend to be a couple years behind the "performance numbers" of IBM Clone PCs, because it is usually true - with the exception of the PowerMac G5, but it hardly counts because the system alone costs $2,000. It has been said that when you buy a Mac, you are buying into the wonderful user experience, not an insane performance machine.
APPLE (Macintosh is the name of their computer family) does not need to "get over it." Both M$ and Apple stole everything they could from Xerox, most notably the Xerox Alto. They even made a movie about it, called "Pirates of Silicon Valley." Apple just stole it first, and got pissed when a competitor did the same thing, not that M$ made anything good out of it - and they have NOT innovated anything. They just built substandard operating systems and office software and sold them at a premium.


I agree with you on the point that a video iPod is laughable; it is just a useless gimmick that, while nice, is something I'd never use. If I want to watch mobile videos, I'd buy a subcompact notebook computer. It is a helluva lot more functional, for just about $400 more. Add to that the simple fact that you have access to MUCH larger data storage potential, DVD playing ability, and a comparatively large screen, and it easily ends the mobile video argument. (Not to mention the inherent dangers of attempting to watch video while not sitting or standing still...)
I respectfully disagree with you on everything else though. The iPod is a wonderful piece of technology, and they HAVE gone a long way to miniaturize the electronics within the iPod. There is however, an apparent lack of sophistication between the iPod and its only real rival - the Creative Zen. While the Zen has one of the better user interfaces of the HDD mp3 players, (and an interchangable Li-Ion battery if I remember correctly) it does not have the simplicity that is the biggest selling point of the iPod.
BTW, the battery life before the current video iPod was 8 hours (it is now 14 or 20 hours depending on model), but it isn't like there is a lack of power adaptors for auto and airline power ports. Also, several companies have made extended batteries that plug into the bottom of the iPod.
I will not argue with you on the fact that it iPods and their related accessories are exhorbitantly expensive. I bought my 40GB monochrome iPod last December for $400. Today it is hideously behind the times, yet I simply cannot afford to buy a new 60GB video version for the same amount that I paid for mine, no matter how much I want to.
To me, it seems you would prefer the Creative Nomad, what with its cheap price, tiny size, flash memory (128MB to 1GB), LCD display, and its removeable AA battery...

November 07, 2005 1:12 PM  
Blogger urs truely eDw|n ^-^ said...

OK nw THATs a good one man!! haha i personally own a ipod.. BUT wadever u said here was real true.. I salute to u lolx

November 07, 2005 1:33 PM  
Blogger phishfly said...

wow.... screamingly fast g4?????????? fuck the pentium m is what... 30 percent faster than a g5????? COME ON APPLE!!! STOP FALSE ADVERTISING YOUR SHIT THAT ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS WILL BUY! I CAN'T STAND IT... IM TYPEING THIS SHIT ON A POWERBOOK G4 AND IT RUNS A GAME 3 FPS!?!!?!?!?? I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS POSSIBLE.. EVEN MY 4 YEAR OLD PC RUNS GAMES FASTER....

WAIT HERE THIS: APPLE IS SWITCHING TO INTEL RIGHT (WELL NOT EXACTLY BUT THEY BASICLLY HAVE FINALLY REALIZED WHAT I HAVE... WORTHLESS SHITS) BUT THEY ARE SWITCHING TO FUCKING CELERON?!??!?! BASED PROCESSORS.

from a buisness point of view apple is amazing... wow they really know how to make their shit worth the price.... amazing but its due to peoples lack of basic knoledge.. apple will be gone sometime. Oh and btw i hate microsoft.. ITS CALLED LINUX . L.I.N.U.X U FUCKING VIRUS IDIOTS... OMG DON'T USE XP!

INTEL PENTIUM M/4 IS THE WAY TO GO.... ESPECIALLY FOR WHAT YOU PAY. LOOK AT HP IF YOU WANT A LAPTOP...

thats another thing.. why do about 200 companies against 1 run the similar kind of hardware. and one! clames to be the best????!?!??!?!? what>???

USE UR FUCKING LOGIC PEOPLE.

December 08, 2005 5:18 AM  
Anonymous ryan@branfordlabs.com said...

Look i am a life long pc user from dos to 3.1, 3.1 with navigator 95, all the way to xp and the bottom line is that they have all sucked tremendously. Windows has been plagues with problems b/c prior to the release of XP the OS was never truely redesigned. Windows is also a target for virus and hackers and the developers are to far stretched to make an operating system that isn't full of bugs and holes. The only real reason to use a pc is compatibility. As far as performance goes the Macintosh family just took a different route then pc's. PC's have grown by CPU speed and left graphic performance in the dust, where as Macintosh's have developed them both in unison (why do you think pixar and every other animation, advertising, and production company uses mac's.

December 09, 2005 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Hammcac Jr right on. i applaud you with your correct grammar and wording not just making your statment larger bagging out people.
AMcintosh computers are a country mile better then PC as they are far less prone to viruses and you dont need to keep updating your system every month.
Also to you windows people maybe you guys should check out the processor speeds of a iMac g5 compared to a standard Windows computer and you would find that the Mac would smash the windows.
O and what is so wrong with a Apple/Macintosh company introducing Mac to Schools and education centres. Are you afraid that they might like Mac More??? And the only reason the "little kiddies" have Microsoft at home is because their parents are to arrogant to purchase something different.
and back to the iPod if the Battery runs out after the warrenty ends tough luck thats what the warranty is for. But Apple Are kin and offer to replace the battery or if you can get someone like my dad to fix it.

, Vince

December 10, 2005 1:35 AM  
Blogger Тринадцать Томицу said...

"i applaud you with your correct grammar and wording"

Luckily spelling and capitalization weren't on your list.

"and back to the iPod if the Battery runs out after the warrenty ends tough luck thats what the warranty is for."

Well you know what? That's bullshit. I don't piss away $400 on something that's going to last 2 years tops and then have to send it off for who knows how long while they replace the battery or ship a reconditioned one. That could take two weeks, warranty or no warranty. Whereas with my Mp3 player, I've had that for years. The battery does die, sometimes while I'm using it, but because I have two batteries, I can switch it out and within thirty seconds be listening to music again. And there is no reason whatsoever why "AMcintosh" can't do that.

" O and what is so wrong with a Apple/Macintosh company introducing Mac to Schools and education centres."

Is that a question? It sounded like one, but you didn't end it with a question mark so I guess I really can't be sure, can I? Correct grammar my ass. What's wrong with them giving Macs to schools for cheap is that all the students have to use them. I used Mac for a long time, and I couldn't do shit with it. Who gives a shit how fast the processor is if you can't run a decent OS on it? I can get a decent AMD chip that'll do everything I need it to anyway. There's more to a processor than just "Ghz".

As far as viruses go, I never get any. The trick is that you don't want to be a dumbass. Use web-based mail (you won't have to back it up either!), get a good antivirus program, and don't click on random bullshit that is obviously a virus. I think i have gotten one virus in a whole year, and that's because I did something stupid - I had to reinstall my antivirus program and I neglected to restart my computer. I got hit with a worm and it screwed me up. Nowadays when I reinstall my antivirus I disconnect from the internet. Other than that, I never get viruses. As for updating, I rarely do that either. I don't bother with "critical updates" such as for internet explorer, because I use FireFox.

December 10, 2005 6:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I nvr said that mine was perfect i was only applauding him because they person who started off this forum had mistakes like me and was saying f*ck every second word (no i Dont mean that literallly)

December 12, 2005 4:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, hello. You don't HAVE to use iTunes to get the music. You could use any program you wanted to buy the music. All you have to do is convert the file types, it's not that hard. As far as I can tell, you haven't even tried to make things easier on yourself. You just like bitching and having people read your bitching.

December 30, 2005 9:45 AM  
Anonymous Me said...

That's BULlSHIT

March 20, 2006 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a Ipod and and the itunes and everything is fine on my computer so
idk wut u SO CALLED PEOPLE r talkin about!

it just u don't know how to use it LOL
u can use Bearshare.com
and find music mp4 or mp3 and convert it to ur Itunes but some of u people don't even own a ipod and don't have itunes to know, so don't Judge a Book by Its Cover lol

July 07, 2006 2:34 PM  
Blogger Тринадцать Томицу said...

RE: I have a Ipod and and the itunes and everything is fine on my computer so
idk wut u SO CALLED PEOPLE r talkin about!

Yeah... someone with your intelligence probably wouldn't notice.

RE: it just u don't know how to use it LOL

And you don't know English.

RE: u can use Bearshare.com
and find music mp4 or mp3

I have over 20GB of music on my system. I know how to get the shit. But... no .ape? No FLAC? That really sucks.

RE: and convert it to ur Itunes

In other words I still have to have that piece of shit program installed on the computer just to convert the files. That's bullshit.

You shouldn't even have to convert them in the first place - why can't the player just play mp3/ape/flacs? Because the fuckers at mac don't know how to code a decent operating system for the thing.

July 07, 2006 2:42 PM  

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