March 11, 2009

Top ten reasons to become a Wiccan.

  1. It's the "in" thing to do, particularly among teenage girls. You're not Wiccan? Get with it, homie.
  2. You can make yourself feel better about yourself by demeaning non-Wiccans about how much better your religion is than theirs. In fact, bringing Wiccanism up in arguments is highly suggested as a means of proving your point without even saying anything remotely related to it.
  3. You can brag about how much you know about the similarities between Greek Polytheism and Christianity and that this makes Christianity "unoriginal", even though you really don't know jack shit about either one and anyone with their head not up their ass (AKA not you) can see that the two are entirely different.
  4. You can find comfort in the prediction that you made that the hot guy you like is going to be your first kiss. Or at the very least, that you're actually going to be kissed eventually, which you probably aren't.
  5. When your bullshit religion is proven wrong by one of your predictions not coming true (or all of them as the case may be), blame it on the fact that you were tired when you made said prediction, because everyone knows the order in which cards appear in a deck has to do with how tired you are.
  6. Brag about how you're not a Satanist, even though nobody accused you of being one, because anyone other than yourselves really gives a shit.
  7. You can blame it on "that time of the month" twice a month; one for PMS, and the other because of the full moon that you believe has an effect on everything.
  8. You can celebrate Christmas in addition to all the Wiccan holidays. Why be completely secure about your own religion when you can still celebrate a Christian one and get lots of nice presents? Just be sure to get pissed off at whoever doesn't give you a Christmas present, because compulsory giving is what Christmas is really about.
  9. You'll eventually grow out of it, and if you don't, at least all those spells will give you something to do while your black cat uses my lawn as a litterbox.
  10. You'll have lots of spirits to keep your otherwise perpetually lonely self company. And by spirits, I really mean alcohol.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know so many young people who love this religion.
I've alway been kind of, Meh... About it.

But hey, The whole holliday thing may just make me convert.

March 25, 2009 4:28 PM  

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