March 12, 2009

Whoever makes the anti-drug advertisements should be fired.

I was walking down the hall today and happened to notice this big poster of a skinny pencil-necked douchebag. I needed an image to remember next time I needed to punch something, so I decided to take a look at it.

Far beyond what I had bargained for, over the image of the douchebag was superimposed a sad, teary-eyed story about his struggle with drugs, despite being such a stud otherwise. At least that's what the anti-drug committee thought. In reality, the only mention of drugs on the poster basically amounted to a one-line, "Yes, this dude does drugs." The rest of it was basically fellating this 145lb chode for being so strong and athletic.

I don't get how a poster describing and depicting the perfect guy (or at least that intention) only to end it with "But he does drugs, so he's evil and going to die" accomplishes anything productive. They're essentially saying, "The point of this poster is not to convince you that drugs are bad (you're supposed to take that for granted because we said so), but that you should feel sorry for this super-athlete because he does drugs."

Fuck, if someone made a poster about how great Arnold Schwarzenegger is, but the last line said "but THIS god is FALLEN because he shoots STEROIDS" I'd take a trip right on up to the gym and get myself some trenbolone. It's almost like they're advertising drugs with these posters. I understand, they're putting people up on platforms and then trying to take them off of their platforms by saying "hey, he does drugs". But the message that's coming across is "if this guy does it, they must not be that bad".

People don't fall for ignorance anymore. The more they repeat "drugs are bad, m'kay", and the more people we see who do drugs and don't appear to be hurting from them, the more people are going to say "hey, maybe they're really not that bad". Which is stupid, but it's a failing of the anti-drug commission.

The fact is, drugs ARE bad, but I'm not going to sit here and repeat that mantra and expect anyone to accept that without even any examples of what it can do. Studies have linked marijuana use to decreased testosterone and increased risk of testicular cancer. Maybe marijuana users just natually have lower testosterone, but that's still enough for me to stay away from it (Arnold smoked pot so who the fuck knows - it's just a personal decision for me). Crack is so addictive that even the straightest man would suck cock for it if he was addicted to it.

There's another poster that does the same with alcohol, which isn't even illegal. And sure, binge drinking is a really stupid idea, but most people take it for granted that chances are, the worst that can happen is they'll spend the night in jail. And that's also stupid, because there are worse things that CAN happen. Drunk driving ads? There are good ones but most suck. Nobody gives a shit that they can get busted for it, they will take the back roads home. And most people are generally rebellious, so challenging an alcoholic to try not to get caught is a real bad idea.

But a drink or two won't kill anyone if they stay off the road, so why make some generic ad and end it with the line "alcohol is a drug" as if the smallest amount of it will rip you apart or turn you into a raging homicidal maniac?

Well on top of all this, a study in 2008 showed that anti-drug ads don't work and may have even encouraged some to try smoking pot. This was after a 10 year, $1 billion campaign (which used to be a lot of money) to plaster these ads everywhere you look. And maybe another study showed they did work, but as far as I'm concerned, all that shows is that they are inconclusive at best, and still pretty fucking stupid at the least.

Why would the government use ignorance education? Simple, so some of us will believe every goddamn thing they say without question, and the rest of us will do drugs anyway and destroy our lives. All while they get to justify spending our money to keep the moral high ground.

Obama is officially a traitor.

Any man who would BETRAY AMERICA by stabbing the men and women who were WOUNDED PROTECTING THIS COUNTRY in the back like this doesn't deserve the government job of cleaning toilets in a post office.

If this isn't an act of willful treason I don't know what is. I am 100% convinced that we officially have a terrorist as the president of the United States. And I'm talking about his actions here, not some conspiracy theory about Obama being a Muslim.

Every patriot this country has and has ever had should be sickened by this. I know I am.

Nothing Obama does at this point will ever make up for this. We owe a responsibility to our wounded soldiers, and to suggest that they take care of their own injuries is just like getting a woman pregnant and skipping town, only much worse because every single one of us owes a soldier our lives.

At the same time, Obama wants to spend billions on welfare moms whose only job is to eat ding-dongs and crank out welfare babies. Has he been inhaling again?

If the Democrats want us rational thinkers to believe they have a sense of responsibility, they are doing a horrible job of demonstrating that capability. Obama is a piece of trailer trash. A fuck-and-forget, spend your way out of debt piece of trailer trash.

I can't wait for the 2010 elections.

March 11, 2009

Does pi = 3, or should you shut the hell up?

Atheism can be just as much a religion as any other religion can, except without a bible. Not all atheists, just the ones who get so caught up in how hateful, judgmental, pushy, and irrational religion is, they fail to notice that they're just as guilty of those things. It doesn't really matter if you're the object of their ire or not; everyone wishes they would die, including each other. But still, it's nice to know that hardcore atheists, like English majors, will always be there to protect everyone, and their religions, from minor errors. After all, were it not for them, who would have noticed the part in the bible where it claims that pi is equal to three? I am, of course, referring to 1 Kings 7:23:

The sea was then cast; it was made with a circular rim, and measured ten cubits across, five in height, and thirty in circumference.

The problem is here. If the sea was round and ten cubits in diameter, its circumference should be approximately 31.4 cubits. If it was 30 in circumference, the diameter should be about 9.55. Obviously, the prospect of significant figures or rounding numbers to the nearest ten is a prospect unheard of to those who slept during third-grade math.

Atheists, like all religious people (and English majors), love inputting their vast array of armchair knowledge whenever they see something that isn't exactly the way they like to see it. Failing that, they'll use any opportunity they can find to show off how incredibly intelligent they are. This vast knowledge they use is usually:

1. From Wikipedia and/or
2. Wrong.

Still, I heartily thank the atheists for this knowledge. I am, therefore, advocating a new and improved translation of the Bible. I'm calling it the "New and Revised Standard Edition Version 13.75 for angsty and rebellious emo faggots who have nothing better to do than blindly take shots at things that they're too stupid to understand and too anal-retentive to actually notice the point of the message."

Despite its hippopotomonstrosesquippedalian name, the new edition, called NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM for short, will be vastly improved. Besides removing the bit about chastity, circumcision, and that pesky "judge not, lest ye be judged" that nobody really wants to follow anyway, I've corrected the pi = 3 error:

The sea (comprised of 95% water (33.333333333% hydrogen and 66.666666666% oxygen), and 5% random impurities (such as rock dust)) was then cast; it was made with a circular rim (made of exactly thirty-seven curved sandstone tablets, two defects per square cubit maximum), and measured exactly ten cubits (15 ft., 4.572 m) across, five cubits (7 ft. 6 in., 2.286 m) in height, and thirty-one and four tenths cubits (47 ft. 1.2 in., 14.36m) in circumference.

I swear to God I'm going to hear it from those bastards about how "that's not what the original Hebrew said!".

NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM will be by far more accurate, regardless of the fact that nobody reading this story will really give a shit exactly how big the sea (or whatever it is) is. NRSEv13.75fAaREFwhNBtdtBTSaTtttStUatA-RtANtPotM will also ignore the fact that the cubit, span, and handbreadth were never precise units of measurement to begin with, as is typical of societies that don't possess the technologies to measure the exact distance traveled by a beam of light in exactly 1/299,792,458 second.

Even if this divine blunder really does expose the fraud that is religion, can the fallacy really be extended past the book of Kings? The Bible isn't a book, it's a collection of books. So unless you believe God wrote the whole Bible (which atheists don't), you can't act as if one mistake in one book discredits everything. Grow up.

So what exactly is pi? If you can give me an answer to that, you're wrong. It's not 22/7; pi is an irrational number - a non-terminating, non-repeating decimal, and cannot be expressed as a fraction. Don't believe me? Open Windows calculator and do 22/7, then click on "pi" and watch the numbers change. The truth is, the only way to accurately represent pi is its symbol. It's all approximation beyond that. 3.14 is good enough for you? Well 3 was good enough for what it was needed for in 1 Kings 7:23.

In six thousand years, people are going to say you have no credibility because you thought pi was 3.14. Just kidding, nobody's going to remember you because nobody gives a shit.

Top ten reasons to become a Wiccan.

  1. It's the "in" thing to do, particularly among teenage girls. You're not Wiccan? Get with it, homie.
  2. You can make yourself feel better about yourself by demeaning non-Wiccans about how much better your religion is than theirs. In fact, bringing Wiccanism up in arguments is highly suggested as a means of proving your point without even saying anything remotely related to it.
  3. You can brag about how much you know about the similarities between Greek Polytheism and Christianity and that this makes Christianity "unoriginal", even though you really don't know jack shit about either one and anyone with their head not up their ass (AKA not you) can see that the two are entirely different.
  4. You can find comfort in the prediction that you made that the hot guy you like is going to be your first kiss. Or at the very least, that you're actually going to be kissed eventually, which you probably aren't.
  5. When your bullshit religion is proven wrong by one of your predictions not coming true (or all of them as the case may be), blame it on the fact that you were tired when you made said prediction, because everyone knows the order in which cards appear in a deck has to do with how tired you are.
  6. Brag about how you're not a Satanist, even though nobody accused you of being one, because anyone other than yourselves really gives a shit.
  7. You can blame it on "that time of the month" twice a month; one for PMS, and the other because of the full moon that you believe has an effect on everything.
  8. You can celebrate Christmas in addition to all the Wiccan holidays. Why be completely secure about your own religion when you can still celebrate a Christian one and get lots of nice presents? Just be sure to get pissed off at whoever doesn't give you a Christmas present, because compulsory giving is what Christmas is really about.
  9. You'll eventually grow out of it, and if you don't, at least all those spells will give you something to do while your black cat uses my lawn as a litterbox.
  10. You'll have lots of spirits to keep your otherwise perpetually lonely self company. And by spirits, I really mean alcohol.